Three days. In just three days my little girl will be one year old. I never thought I would have kids. For a long time, it was a choice. I had decided that I couldn’t stand children. The sticky fingers and the sassy attitudes and being responsible for raising a human. It was all too much. I was never going to have kids.
When Alex and I got engaged, I broke down. I cried to him for hours because I didn’t think I could have kids. My reasoning had become more mature. This time it was because my menstrual cycle was so irregular that I was convinced it couldn’t happen. I felt broken. I didn’t think I could make a family with my soon-to-be husband. Thankfully, he assured me that it didn’t matter to him. And we got married.
When I didn’t have my cycle, I assumed it was because that’s just how I was. Then the sickness started and I discovered that, despite my previous expectations, I was going to have a baby. And I was thrilled! But along with the excitement, came a whole new kind of anxiety. This time it was real. I was going to be a mom!
Naming the baby, getting everything ready, moving, maturing, etc… it was all so much to do in such a small amount of time. But once my little girl was here, I knew I was ready.
I am very much an activist for gender roles. I believe that women are (generally) more feminine, and that men are (generally) more masculine. I believe that there are things women are better at than men, and things that men are better at than women. Otherwise, what’s the point in having a gender at all? That being said, being a mom came so easily to me. Changing diapers, making bottles, comforting a crying baby that refused to sleep… All of it came naturally.
I was able to receive my patriarchal blessing in November. What it says will always be very close to my heart. Members of the LDS church who have recieved theirs or have prepared to know of the sacredness of this blessing and know that it’s a very deeply personal message from our Heavenly Father. My sharing a piece is not to be taken lightly, which I why I will remain vague. In my patriarchal blessing, I learned, that everything I was made to do, every talent I was given, and every interest I have, all of it, was given to me to make me a mom. And I will always be grateful for that.
Unfortunately for my husband, that is a big factor in making me super baby hungry for #2.
I can’t even express how lucky I am to have my beautiful little girl. One year has passed so quickly. I wish I could go back and take a million more pictures. But I am so excited for all there is to come.
A big thank you to everyone that has been a part of my family’s life this year.